| It's Saturday night, and kids all over North America are hanging
out at their friends' houses, watching movies, going to parties.
And children as young as 11 are taking their first drink of
alcohol--the average age when boys start drinking. For girls,
that age is now 13. More and more kids are drinking hard liquor,
and an alarming number of those teens and pre-teens are binge
drinking, which is defined as consuming 5 or more drinks of any
alcohol in one setting for boys, and 4 or more drinks for girls.
"When I ask them if they drink to get drunk, they say, 'Duh,
that's why we do it,'" says Dick Schaefer, an addiction
counselor who has worked with chemically dependent teens for
nearly thirty years. He is also the author of Choices and
Consequences: What to Do When a Teenager Uses Alcohol/Drugs.
"Getting drunk is the thing to do, and they associate it with
fun." Traditionally, in the upcoming season of graduation, prom
and other kid rites of passage, the amount of alcohol young
people drink soars. What's important, says Schaefer, is to keep
the lines of communication open before an incident occurs--and
know how to deal with your child if you do catch them drinking.
The fact is, kids are hitting the bottle in greater numbers
these days, enough to cause the Surgeon General to issue a
report last year warning parents about alcohol consumption among
minors. According to the study, there are 11 million underage
drinkers in the U.S., and 7.2 million of those teens and
pre-teens are binge drinking. The reasons for the surge among
teens and pre-teens in recent years are many: Kids are
gravitating towards the newer, flavored hard liquors the alcohol
industry is producing. And "They're not sipping--they're gulping
it down like soda," says Schaefer. "The kids I see tell me they
drink every weekend, at least four times a month. And they get
drunk each time." He considers alcohol to be the number one risk
for teens and pre-teens when it comes to substance abuse. The
Surgeon General calls it "The drug of choice for teens in
America."
Besides highway accidents and the increasing number of tragic
fatalities caused by kids drinking to toxic levels, the dangers
alcohol poses are many: recent studies have shown that binge
drinking can lead to brain damage, obesity, memory loss, and
impairment of other brain functions. The statistics are
staggering: children who get drunk for the first time under the
age of 15 are five times more likely to have alcohol-related
problems later on in life. And if alcoholism is in your family,
your child is four times more likely to become an alcoholic.
It's been estimated that more than three million teenagers are
alcoholics in this country, and millions more are classified as
having a serious drinking problem.
In the last five years, some troubling new trends have emerged:
There have been an increasing number of younger kids who are
referred to the court as first time users--or kids who have been
caught in the act of underage drinking. "Now we're getting 12
and 13 year olds referred into the court system. And I've seen
kids who are 12 going to the ER as a result of over-drinking,"
says Schaefer. In addition, more girls are being referred to the
courts than ever before.
Misuse, Abuse and Addiction:
Know the Difference As the director
of the Touch Love Addiction Treatment Center in Fargo, North
Dakota, Schaefer also works with the court system in his area to
help kids who have been arrested for consuming alcohol.
Frequently, treatment involves minors attending classes with
their parents. He classifies their drinking at the following
levels:
Misuse: Any time a minor drinks. (Except for religious purposes
or meals at home with parental approval.)
Abuse: Any time a minor gets drunk or stoned, any time they have
drugs on them, engage in binge drinking or have paraphernalia,
and any time they get behind the wheel while intoxicated. As a
parent, if you walk into your kid's room and find a bottle of
alcohol, marijuana or paraphernalia, you should consider them to
be at the abuse level. "Kids at the misuse level won't bring it
home, because they can take it or leave it and they don't want
to get in trouble," says Schaefer. "At the abuse level, they
need the chemical high, so they'll take the chance. Once you
equate having fun with getting high, that's abuse."
Potential dependency: The primary relationship for addicts is
the relationship with alcohol or drugs. This is when the
relationship with the substance becomes more important than any
other relationship. This is when a child will choose the
chemical high over time with family or friends. "Alcoholics and
drug addicts are very lonely people," says Schaefer. "You can't
get close to someone while they're high. I tell the kids in my
classes, 'You're lonely, and you're going to be lonely until you
get straight.'"
Giving Consequences: 4 Types of Contracts In his work as an
addiction counselor, Schaefer developed a system of contracts
parents can give their children in order to keep them alcohol
and drug-free. Each new contract is adopted if the prior one has
been broken.
The Rules: What can parents do to set consequences in the home?
Start out with rules. "The rule in our house is no chemical use.
Your curfew is 12:00 midnight on the weekends." This is a verbal
agreement with your child. List the logical consequences for
breaking the rules. "We caught you drinking. You will have to
forfeit the car keys for 1 month." Negotiate with your teen and
agree to the consequences ahead of time. This takes the heat out
of the moment.
The Simple Contract: This is a rule written down with specific
consequences, to be implemented if the verbal agreement is
broken. The Simple Contract should be written down and signed at
the misuse level. At the very least, your child should agree to
three things: no chemical use, no violence, and a curfew. Tell
your teen that if they violate this contract, they will be sent
to a chemical dependence evaluation.
The Turf Contract: If the Simple Contract is broken, the next
type of contract you can implement is the Turf Contract. This is
a written agreement that includes all the points of the Simple
Contract and outlines the behavior required for the teen to earn
privileges at home, like use of the car or cell phone. In
addition to stopping any alcohol or drug use, the behavior might
include school attendance and performance, keeping a curfew, or
doing chores at home. The consequence you can give for breaking
this contract is the choice of chemical dependence treatment in
either an in-patient or out-patient setting. Schaefer advises,
"Always give your child a choice--never put a kid in a corner
without a way out."
The Bottom-Line Contract: This is to be implemented if the Turf
Contract is violated. The Bottom-Line Contract is a written
agreement that outlines specific behaviors required for your
child to retain the privileges of living at home or staying in
school. It includes all the elements of the Simple and Turf
Contracts. Consequences for breaking this contract by doing
drugs or alcohol: Give the child the choice of two reputable and
available inpatient treatment centers. "You're saying, 'You're
out of control, and we're going to agree to get you help,'"
Schaefer explains.
If You Suspect Your Child Has a Substance Abuse Problem: What
You Can Do Now If you suspect your child might be drinking or
taking drugs, talk to your child's school. Substance abuse
almost always shows up in attendance, GPA, and truancy. "If kids
are getting drunk, they're not doing their work," says Schaefer.
What happens in school is not confidential, and teachers are
required to record observable behaviors of their students.
Schools have checklists for teachers that parents can ask to
see. (One of these is called the "Student Assisted Programs
Checklist," but names may vary from state to state.) The list
includes questions about truancy, the students' attitudes and
behaviors, and also alcohol and drug-related questions. "As a
parent, you have the right to know what is being recorded about
your child," says Schaefer. While parents do not have a right to
hear what kids tell school counselors or psychologists--except
in the case of suicidal or homicidal behaviors or
vandalism--parents do have a right to see any checklist the
school has on their child.
You need to have some communication with your child about
drinking and substance abuse. "It should be just as easy to talk
to them about drinking and marijuana as it is to talk about
sex...and that's the problem," says Schaefer. "We think we're so
open but we're not. Talk about the drinking scene, talk to your
kids about your concerns. Keep the lines of communication open."
The good news is that not all kids are drinking. About 60
percent of kids in the U.S. and Canada drink, but 40 percent do
not. Arm yourself with that information before you talk to your
child, who might be under the impression that all his friends
are doing it. "That's the important message that I try to get
across," says Schaefer. "In my classes I say, 'You guys are
among the 60 percent, you broke the law.' And that's good to
tell kids. We've got to break this idea that 'everybody drinks'
because it's just not true."
At his court-mandated classes for kids who have been caught
drinking, Dick Schaefer gives out this list of questions to
parents who attend with their children. "I tell the kids,
'Parents are given this list of questions at the hospital when
you're born. They have the right to ask you these questions--and
get the answers from you--until you're 18."
5 Things Every Parent Has the Right to Know: Where are you
going? What are you doing? Who will you be hanging out with? How
will you get home? What time will you be home?
About the author: Elisabeth Wilkins is the editor of Empowering Parents and the
mother of a five-year-old son. Her work has appeared in national
and international publications, including Mothering, Motherhood,
and The Japan Times. Elisabeth holds a Masters in Fine Arts in
Creative Writing from the University of Southern Maine. |
